Wife of Obed Thomas Spargo snr, Mother to Tommy and Lionel snr.
Nellie was born on the 15th May 1875 in Trungle a hamlet near the village of Paul to William Tippet who ran a carpenter’s business in Paul and Elizabeth né Harvey. In the 1891 She was one of eight children and the second youngest. Census aged 16, her occupation is listed as dressmaker’s apprentice.
She married Obed Spargo on October 3rd 1900 aged 25.
On the 3rd December he sailed to South Africa from Southampton, leaving her expecting Tommy. In the 1901 Census, taken on the 31st March, she is at her father’s home. According to Tommy he was born in the house next door to the Kings Arms on the 21st August 1901. In the 1912 valuation it shows that the lease was taken out by Obed, We might assume it was signed before he left.
In 1905-6 he returned, when Tommy was four. This is an extract from Tommy’s memoirs written when he was in his 70s or 80s.
My father returned from S Africa quite suddenly one winter evening unexpected! And mother’s cry of joy as she rushed to him, of my saying hello “Da” for that is what we called Grandfather – and I got the reply “I am your father”! I was too young to be flattened and duly corrected the address.
During that same summer my parents went for a holiday to Newquay! This was a treat for me too. Rarely did anyone in the village bar perhaps the vicar or members of his family have holidays away from the village. High spots of that trip stand out still in my memory such as playing on the sands with my parents, and when walking over the golf course hearing the cry “fore” being shouted from time to time and which puzzled me greatly! Of the journey there and back I can only remember the motor train as it was called which from the junction at Bodmin I presume – to Newquay.
Obed departed again on 16th February 1907 leaving Nellie expecting her second child Lionel. Why was the family divided for so many years? Tommy writes:-
My father returned to S.A. early 1907 – my mother stayed at home. I think the reason was that she was fearful of the journey -being pregnant at the time. That she never did go eventually is still a bit of a mystery to me, apart from the fact that she was scared of the sea, or afraid of the journey with two young children.
He continued to send money home to maintain his family. In the 1911 census the family are still living in the same house Paul. it is described as a six roomed house (excluding scullery and bathroom.) This was a substantial house in the village (many are listed as only having four rooms.)
Six years later, in 1916 news reached Cornwall that Obed had died. He had taken his own life. Tommy was 14 and Lionel was 8. The story was that he planned to return to Cornwall for good around 1914, having made enough money, but the First World War had disrupted the passenger routes. The death notice states the inquest verdict – suicide in his place of residence in Cathcart Rd Queenstown on the 24th April.
The money supply abruptly stopped; the bank accounts frozen and the family were suddenly under financial stress. Suicide was illegal at that time and this event was the cause of great shame for the family for many decades. In the 1950s Tommy bumped into someone in Penzance who had been in South Africa at the same time as his father, and he stated that Obed had gone in with a Dutch prospector, been relieved of his money, and murdered. This was apparently reported in the local newspaper at the time. The evidence of the death certificate puts this version of events in doubt, but the possibility of a joint mining venture which went wrong might have been the reason which drove Obed to take such tragic action.
Nellie was supported in particular by her sister Martha and her husband Joseph Rowe who ran a grocer’s shop in Mousehole.
Despite Obed being a member of the Grand Lodge of Scotland Freemasons, Tommy recalls his mother reporting that they failed to offer any support following his death.
Nellie went on to run the Post Office from a room in the family home. Tommy left Penzance Grammar school and went to work for Western Union which had an office in Penzance. He spent the first 2 years on a training course in London, returning to work in Penzance in 1918. His wages would have been a vital source of income for the family.
By 1924 Tommy had transferred to London and was sending money home. Several letters from that time from Nellie to Tommy have survived and give a picture of Nellie’s character.
Though they document her decline in health her sense of humour also comes through.
In the first letter 14th August 1924 she states as a postscript ‘I am feeling a good bit better’
Didn’t Cora tell you I went to Lamorna on Aug bank holiday. All the invalid, the lame and the lazy. Had Charles to take us up and fetch us back in the evening. Had a nice time better than home. Aunt Martha Elizabeth Helen and the children myself of course took our dinners all right too. The weather isn’t very grand today again we’ve had a nice day or two in and out we want a fine week or two now to bring in the harvest…..
I bought a new suit for Lionel not a very expensive one because he will have to wear it all the winter then next summer it will come down for seconds he is pleased with it so that’s a great thing.
Well now I must say goodbye for the time
Yours lovingly
Mother
I like Cora’s present very much she is delighted with it.
You can read the full transcript here
23rd November 2024 No mention of health – but lots of village gossip! Read here
30th January 1925 Tommy has just returned to London after a visit home.
You will soon settle in again but the partings are very bad. I am glad you got back OK. I have missed you too peeping in around the door every now and then.
I am feeling braver every day going a little better. I felt since you’ve been home it haven’t been like home to you. I am glad you had Boslandew to go to it took away the lonely feeling I had for you but never mind. I hope I shall be able to do for you a little longer some time.
7th February 1925 It seems that Nellie had now given up the Post office
It seems quite funny without the hubbub of the Post Office we don’t know where we are down here. I am still plodding on tired in the bed.
Nellie puts positive spin on her health in her letters – we get a more accurate account from Cora.
In letter from Cora to Tommy March 10th 1925
I’ve been down this morning to see mum and took a little loaf Ma baked for her. She doesn’t seem any better. I asked her what I should tell you and she said “just the same”. She can’t sleep lying down. If she lies down to drop off she always wakes up to find herself leaning right over with her face on her knees. She thought she saw a dear lil’ tabby cat curled up on her bed the other night and spoke to it and when it didn’t move she touched it and there was nothing there but the quilt, she told me this one day last week, so that shows that she isn’t as well again. Her head is bad today and no wonder. Her eyes and face are puffed and she says its all through leaning forward so much.
Nellie’s letters get gradually shorter and her handwriting deteriorates
Easter was mid-April and as there are no letters around this time we can only hope that Tommy made it home for Easter.
1st May 1925
I almost forget days and time. I am about the same but my legs are a pickle if I could only go for myself as you say but still I got to wait with what patience I can find.
Nellie makes her Will on the 10th May It shows her appreciation of those family members who had supported her since her husband’s death.
15th May 1925 Nellie’s 50th birthday
Dr Bannister was here this week he is still longing to have a dig at me. I don’t know it is hard to know what to be at. I am decidedly better than when he saw me last he said but there is much improvement wanted. I must still think over it.
Read a transcript of the letter here
The last letters between mother and son make poignant reading. No compassionate leave for an employee in those days….
58 Upper Park Road
Hampstead NW3
Monday
Dear Mother,
I got Beatrice’s letter which she wrote for you on Friday and I’m very grieved to know you are so very ill, I’ve been picturing you all the week long, and grieved to think I can’t be with you through all this, oh mother you must be so weary sitting there like you are all this time and it is breaking my heart to picture you. I’m glad Beatrice and Cora and all are so good to you, that is my one bit of comfort anyway.
I was so upset to think your poor hands are swollen so much that you can’t write me, but never mind mother dear I can’t write about much, as my heart is too full, I only hope that Jesus will comfort your dear heart, as you’ve been such a lovely mother to us, and no one knows what you’ve suffered in your time, but a favoured few, I know mother, and it has been my lifelong wish to see you happy and comfortable, but now I don’t know what to think. Anyway mother I’ve done my best to help you financially at least, and perhaps I wasn’t as good to you as I ought to be otherwise you’ll forgive me won’t you, anyway mother I always did love you dearly and would rather than anything that you were well and strong.
I can’t write any more now for the time no news at all I’m too concerned about, do hope you will feel more easy mother.
Goodbye for the time and God bless your heart
Your loving son
Tommy xxxx
My dearest boy,
I am trying to write you a few lines
I never thought I should write you again but I do believe I shall recover a bit again for how long or short we don’t know. Your letter to me was so comforting, although I am so very weak still and oh how weary. “Jesus comfort your heart” the best any have said to me has come from you. I know what you passed through but we shall be took care of if its Gods will all will be well. Don’t grieve too much everyone is more than good
Yours lovingly
Mother
She died on the 13th June 1925 aged 50. Tommy was 23, Lionel was 17. Her death certificate records that she died from chronic endocarditis.
Endocarditis is a potentially fatal infection of the inner lining of the heart (the endocardium). Nowadays the infection would be treated with antibiotics. Symptoms – similar to flu – without treatment can lead to heart failure or stroke.
She is buried in the family grave in Paul Cemetery
In 2018 Lesley Trotter published a book called The married widows of Cornwall – the story of the wives ‘left behind’ by emigration. It told the overlooked story of the many Cornish women who spent large parts of their married lives apart from their husbands, who were working abroad. The Migration Museum in London has a podcast on its website – an interview with Lesley Trotter. You can listen to it here
Nellie’s experience is just one example of the effect emigration had on women in Cornwall, During 15 years of marriage Nellie and Obed spent less than 18 months together. Then she became a real widow in the most painful of circumstances. Her later years were spent in poor health cumulating in an early death
I would like to remember her as a brave and resourceful woman who never lost her sense of humour. A survivor.